timothy_fitz

However aside from those unspoken secrets, he spoke to me of something that I hold very dear to the essence of my soul. He spoke of spirituality...he spoke of faith.

Let me write first that I originally came here to Tulsa to beat the hell out of Raven for his incesisant need to piss me off, which I have decided has happend for the last time unpunished. However upon reaching the city and allowing my temper to cool before engageing Raven I once again had gathered my better judgment about me and thought that faceing him in arms should be a second...in case faceing him in words failed. As it is faceing him in words was a mixed blessing...I won yet lost which in my ways of logic is impossible. I had come with the intent to tell him one thing and one thing alone...that he was not my father...and he beat me to the punchline plain and simple. This simple seemingly obvious fact was something that was holding me back for so long...for well over a century now I have called Raven father for one reason...because I needed to...because I had lost a family and he had provided one...and in my limited understanding I could only understand family as a mortal would (father, brother, daughter, wife) and not as a kindred (sire childer kin) Raven is not my father and I have been flawed to even call him such. He could never be...nor would I ever want him to be my father at all. However kin he maybe and after the conversation that ensued after he said the words that were so long unspoken proved to me that he is kin in all aspects of the word.

I was raised as an Irish catholic plain and simple and I clung to those beleifs so strongly...God was my savior thats the way of it and that is how it will remain. Then I was embraced by Raven and things spiralled out of control...I went so far in my loss of faith as to burn the bible, I was childish then and that is about to change. For you see when you become kindred the mortal rules no longer apply to you...their dogma no longer applies to you, you are outsides their gods guidelines. Whit this in mind I almost lost my faith and sight of it at that...I kept a bible close to my heart these past months atoneing for a sin I can no longer commit for sins are acts of men, and I am no man. However Raven spoke of the great spirit...or god as I know him... and his servants...or angels...and how each on has a specific purpose in their life or unlife as we live to tend to...and that my great family line decended from The Unholy herself each have a spirit inside of them that they must embrace and become one with to continue doing the great spirits work.

At first I thought this was maddness speaking...Raven has been walking the earth for well over three centuries now and he doesn't even remember being mortal so how can he actually speak sanely. However the more I tried to deny it the more it made sense...Raven speaks of spirits in the redskins manner...animal totems and the such and after this disscussion I did some reasearch of my own into the topic and discovered that the form I prefer...that of a hawk...the totem for the creature matches my outlooks and thought almost to the t, at this point I of course became disturbed at how closely this struck home. With all this in mind however my father speaks of only one thing left for me to do if I am truly interested in this course...a vision quest.